sorry if i cannot come to any of your so-called family gatherings anymore.

unlike my parents, i cannot stand seeing your faces and smelling your stench. mom and dad are too nice- unfortunately, i am not. i'd rather not see all of you so that i won't have to talk to you. i will keep my mouth shut so as to keep it from saying something disrespectful.

i just hope that before you try to bring my parents down, make sure that you have surpassed everything they have done, which we all know you are not capable of doing kulang kasi kayo sa vitamins and minerals. >:D

and please, try buying a mirror. it will help you realize.... a lot of things about yourself. hmmkay?

My mom is fetching me at 9 am. Then J will be at the condo na by then. I'll have lunch with J and T at around 1. Then I'll go back and fix my closet (and change) then meet S at Starbucks by 530 PM. He'll bring me back home at 8 so I can be back here by 830. Phew.

Those are just the technicalities.

How about how I'll feel after?

I don't know yet.

---

I'm searching for love in all the wrong places.

Like, for instance, in darkness.

This is how I feel and this is how I do.

I feel excited for tomorrow, because I'll get to see my friends.

But then again, I have my apprehensions because I'll have to juggle J and S.

I always have this problem: my mind battles with my heart.

---

The attendant here is asking for my help.

I'm getting her husband a job in my brother's company. Plus, we're donating 8,000 for her son.

Her son has pneumonia and cryptorchidism (undescended testis). He has to get an operation ASAP or else he'll become sterile for life. They barely survive. They didn't have dinner last night.

If anybody wants to help, message me.

---

My friend forwarded to me her Goodbye Letter to her ex.

I wish I had the guts. I wish I'm not such a coward.

I'd like to tell my exes 3 things:

1) I loved you to the ends of the Earth.

2) I'm sorry for not fixing up myself sooner, when you made me want to be a better person.

3) I wish you'd still be part of my life, somehow, however far or distant, as friends.

Phew. The three hardest lines to say. The three things that I want them all to know.

(Except, well, Dr. J- I didn't love him, I was just infatuated.)

---

I made S a birthday card from poster paint, chip board, felt and construction paper. It's very simple yet elegant and very cute, they said.

There is a pot of plant on the cover- the leaves I made with felt, and decorated with yellow glitter glue. It's because he is currently obsessed with hydrophonic plants. Haha.

I hope he likes it.

He want to have dinner at Heat tomorrow. I hope the food there is great as I've never eaten there before. But he'll have a hard time eating: he is strictly vegetarian. Haha.

"There's a rainbow after the rain" - Rainbow, Southborder

Huwag sanang mausog pero ang saya lang ng mga ganitong panahon sa buhay ko. Ito yung tunay na pagsasabuhay ng single-ness. 

Yihaaa!

The feelings surrounding J have subsided. I'm more level-headed now: I like J, but I'm just not attracted to him sexually.

And that is a very important kind of attraction to have, in my opinion.

And I can't imagine myself having sex with him at all.

Kissing, yeah, been there, done that. But it stops there.

IDK.

I'm holding out for someone else.

next week smells like night shift for me. >:]

I am craving beer right now, thanks to somebody out there. Hahaha

---

My mom is visiting me, with a surprise guest.

My bet is that it's J. He did tell me he was planning to visit my mom today.

I'll update later.

--

He did visit...

And he's helping us move on Saturday.

What more can I say?

(I don't want to preempt anything yet.)

That means, I'm having lunch with him and my frient, T, on Saturday. Then I'm having dinner with S.

I'm not supposed to feel this way, but I do.

And what is that? I don't exactly know how I feel... yet.

'was planning to work until seven today but Hecygurl shouted, "KFC!" and before I knew it, me and my officemates were already sitting at the cute colorful chairs inside KFC drinking gravy. >_<

nagtitipid ako eh. lintek.

I decided to walk home from WalterMart to burn my unplanned dinner and to save 25 pesos na pamasahe sa trike kasi wala namang jeep from Walter pauwi sa'min. Hecygurl offered to walk home with me, para daw kung sakaling my magkamaling humatak sa akin eh siya na lang daw ang magpapagahasa. >_< but after a while I told him to just go get a jeepney. Tagaktak na kasi yung pawis niya eh. hahahah and.. parang ayoko ng kasama. Eeew ang emo.

For the first time since my boyfriend left, I began to feel that he is really so far away.

Way beyond my reach.